4chan Doom

4chan doom
from /hhg/ Hazbin Hotel general #414, #417, #437 and #449
part 1: https://pastebin.com/eKuFp6XQ
>You look over at your alarm clock.
>It reads 1:22 AM.
>You don’t remember having a nightmare so you aren”t exactly sure why you’re awake.
>Your right arm feels noticeably heavier, and warm, and fuzzy.
>Theres also a strange snoring sound that can’t be coming from you.
>The whole situation is very strange.
>”Angel, what are you doing?” you say as you pull down the covers.
>”Huh, wuzzat?” he says still half asleep. “Oh yeah, Chuck left the A/C and I got cold”
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>”You couldn’t just find another blanket?”
>”Nah, too much work” as he pulls himself against your arm.
>You see Fat Nuggets sitting at the foot of the bed and decide to just leave them be.
>You’re tired and you don’t care. Although you do hope Angel is wearing underwear beneath the oversized shirt he’s wearing as pajamas.
>You’re the only one in your bed the next morning.
>Throwing on a shirt and readjusting your heart print boxers you make your way to the kitchen so see Charlie making coffee and Angel eating a bowl of cereal.
>”Morning” you say still shaking off the sleep.
>Charlie turns and offers you a cup of coffee, black with sugar, the way you like it.
>”Sooo John did you…..sleep…well?” Charlie asks with an inquisitive sounding tone.
>”Hmm, yeah I guess”.
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>”Thats good, its nice to see you and Angel are becoming good friends…real good friends.”
>”Yeah….there something wrong Charlie?” you say raising an eyebrow.
>”What no!” she yelps almost dropping the coffee pot “Your buisness is your buisness, I was just curious!”
>”My buisness, Charlie what are you talking abou-” Charlie looks like she’s trying not to smile and she keeps looking down at your torso, looking down you finallly notice an entire forest of little white hairs stuck to your clothes.
>You look over at Angel as he snorts and tries to stifle a laugh with his wrist. You notice the oversized shirt he’s wearing from the night before is one of yours.
>You quietly sip your coffee as Charlie and Angel Dust start giggling like school girls.

Angel Dust and Slayer.
Now that’s a couple I hadn’t thought of before.

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Its a great comedic duo.
Angel Dust is himself and Doomguy is the straightman to his sexy shenanigans.

Ey, that describes ’em pretty well

Infact just imagine.
>Angel walks into DG’s room wearing a set of lingerie
>Maybe DG is cleaning one of his guns
>”Hey John, I got a suprise for you, you can have this plate of cocaine, a shiny new gun, or me.”
>John turns to look at him and with a deadpan totally serious tone just asks
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>”How shiny is the gun?”
>Angel’s expression is pic related
>”John baby, you ain’t no fun”

>Looks like John’s never going to lose that virginity of his

>Looks like John’s never going to lose that virginity of his
Maybe he might.

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>You walk past Angel Dust’s room on your way down the hallway.
>Catching a glance inside you see Angel reclining on some pillows with his laptop in his lap, headphones on.
>Curious, you awkwardly stand in the doorway until he notices you.
>Taking one of the earmuffs off he looks at you and asks “Need somethin?”
>”No, I was just wondering what you were listening too”
>”Oh this? Just some Christian music”
>You aren’t exactly sure how to react, you’re a Christian and even you don’t listen to that kind of stuff, and Angel is the last person you’d expect to listen to it.
>”Really? I find that… hard to believe.”
>”Hey, don’t judge me! Besides, this is really good, just listen for yourself.” he says as he pulls the headphone jack out of the laptop.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nkwhj96kVyU starts echoing through the entire room.
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>You aren’t really sure what to say so you just leave.
>”This is HQ to any available unit”
>”Priority target MP-69, desgintation ‘VALENTINO’ has been sighted in the vicinity of extra-dimensional op-point HH-2020 (‘The Hotel’)”
>”Target is armed and hostile”
>”Inter-universal liaison CM-1840, designation ‘CHARLIE’ has cleared us for use of full force within her domain”
>”‘VALENTINO’ is to be terminated on sight”
>”Repeat: ‘VALENTINO’ is to be terminated on sight”
>”All available units: sound off and give a readiness report.”

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>”Roger HQ, this is DG-1993 sounding off.”
>”I have eyes on the target, moving to intercept, weapons hot.”

4chan Doom

>”Copy that DG-1993, reinforcements are en-route.”

>”Oh, good for him.”

>”Clarification DG-1993: WE are sending reinforcements to YOU.”
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>”Well, that’s a shame.”
>”This guy’s gonna need all the help he can get.”
I remember what some of them were now.

[John (Doomguy) tries public outreach.]
Meanwhile in the sewers of Pentagram City…
>The grey-water sloshed beneath John’s feet.
>His helmet was made to withstand several rounds of small arms fire, what it didn’t block however, was scent.
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>”Why did I agree to do this?” John thought out loud to himself.
>The public didn’t exactly trust “The Doom Slayer”. So, John hoped to improve his reputation with some public outreach.
>Unfortunately there wasn’t many jobs available.
>Except one.
>There had been rumors of, things, in the sewers.
>They were horrid creatures made of piss, shit, and other sewer refuse, most likely brought to life by some jackass with a magic book.
>It didn’t take long for John to finish, the same move and sweep he’d done hundreds of times.
>Collecting his pay from the City Waste Department he made his way back to the Hotel.
>Taking off his boots and armor outside so he could hose them off later he walked into the foyer, meeting Alastor on his way through.
>”Tell me Johnny, how did the community service go?”
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>”Wasn’t too bad, got pretty boring so I talked to myself for the most part”
>Al raises an eyebrow.
>”Talking to yourself, about what exactly?”
>”Oh nothing much, just shootin the shit!”

I think thats all of them.

[John is a virgin lol.]
>John had come to startling conclusion.
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>He was the only straight person in the entirety of the Hotel.
>Except for Niffty, the shortstack cyclops housekeeper who had seemed to have taken an interest to him.
>It was at this point he had a really tough decision to make.

[Ranger meets an old friend.]
(This one can go in the Doom collection.)
>Met John in town today, didn’t think I’d ever see him again ever since we escaped the Arena.
>Turns out he’s been living with that Charlie gal that Helsa is always fuming about.
>Nice to know theirs another mortal and a good friend down here if I ever need to get away. Recently Mistress Niggurath has been acting really, flirty.
>I miss my wife.
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>Niffty and Angel have been acting kinda weird recently.
>For example I’ll be sitting at the bar talking to Husk and the two of them’ll be sitting at the other side of the room, just staring at me, whispering, and giggling.
>I think they’re planning something.
>I’m very worried.

run, you need to run. now

>Husks right.
>I just need to go for a quick jog, get some fresh air so I’m not cooped up in the Hotel.
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It’s probably nothing.
>Although Nifftys been writing a lot more recently, caught a glimpse of her paper while I was walking by and I swear I saw my name in there a few times.
>I wonder what she writes about.
4chan doom

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